Thursday, 25 August 2011

A tough day

It's been a really, really tough day today emotionally, because I met Iain for the first time since he left me. We went to the solicitor's and the courthouse, we had a long, heart-wrenching talk afterwards, and then we took the first steps in the process of putting the house that we built together on the market. This evening we both need a whole heap of hugs. Thing is, of course, that Iain's going to get them and I'm not. Yep, you've guessed it, self pity has well and truly kicked in! 

I recognise that Iain is grieving the end of our relationship as well, and he's also got a big pile of guilt to deal with over the way it ended, which I don't have, of course, but he has a new best friend to lean on, and I've lost mine. And when you're going through a break up you need a best friend more than anything else in the world. 

I do have a substitute best friend, though. The day after the bombshell dropped I bought myself a journal. Whenever I've felt like talking to someone about things, I write in that. I know that a lined exercise book is no substitute for a loving human being, but the journal does have a few advantages going for it. It doesn't care if I talk to it for hours at a time, I can reveal absolutely anything to it, even my most unsavoury thoughts, and intimate facts about our relationship which I'd never burden a real person with, and it's available for me instantly, at any time of the day or night. Writing these blog posts is therapeutic, too. 

I think the financial side of things is going to be tricky (isn't it always?) When Iain left he said I could have the house, and he'd just take any goods and chattels he wanted. At the time I thought 'that sounds more than fair', but after some thought, (huh- who am I kidding? - I can't think straight right now) and after talking to some friends, I decided that having to sell the house and all its contents would be too much of a burden, particularly as I'm very keen to move back to the UK as soon as possible. I need to start my new life as soon as I can, because the long-term contract I was working on was curtailed two days before Iain left me, which means that instead of having enough work to last me until the end of the year I now have none at all. 

Anyway, I then told Iain I wanted him to buy me out my half of the house so that I've got enough money to bugger off. I explained he could then sell the house at his leisure or rent it out to cover the mortgage. Unfortunately, he's not prepared to do this (or maybe the OW isn't prepared to do this; I'm guessing this is the more likely explanation). So we've come up with a Plan C, which is that we keep the house deeds as they are, in both our names, and put the wheels in motion in order to sell it as quickly as we can, at a knock-down price. I really, really hope Plan C works.

Anyway, on the subject of the house, I've been taking estate-agent style photos of it today, so I thought I'd post a few on here. It is supposed to be a photo blog, right?!


  1. I'm sending you hugs and prayers, you sound so sounds like you have a lot on your plate, here's to success with plan C and a safe journey home..xx

  2. Ali, thank you so much for your support. Hugs right back at you! xox

  3. That must have been such a heavy day, Helen. You have such a brilliant, compassionate and well-adjusted view and way of dealing with things, which will help things to get sorted out more easily ... but, unfortunately, probably won't help stop you hurting. That, I'm afraid, will only happen with time ... but it will happen. You know I'm here if you need me.
    Val xx

  4. I'm not sending hugs. Instead I'm sending a virtual arm around your shoulder Helen. It's a horrible place you're in right now but you will get through this. Keep the personal diary going, I'm sure it will continue to be cathartic to you.
    Tale care

    G x

  5. Helen, I hope that Plan C goes through quickly, so that you can begin to move on. In spite of your very bad day, your attitude sounds good. Keep writing in your journal my friend, and know that you have lots of friends her.
    While it may be a virtual one, there is always a hug here when you need one.

  6. having known both of you I can only say that you are each of a journey of self discovery and all its pitfalls and bumps along the way. You , Helen will go onto being a stronger more resilient woman with a clear insight into what you want. Iain on the other hand may fall into a deep dark well of guilt and regret. It is never greener on the otherside of the affair fence- Never!

    All the best in your venture and know that you are truly surrounded by best wishes and thoughts from many people.